Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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