and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
