Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
