I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Found your dick twin last night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
