this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
