dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
