Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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