i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
