It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
