1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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