my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
