Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
