I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
