Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
