So drunk its hurt
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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