My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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