Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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