I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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