the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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