At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
