i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
