I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
