I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
