4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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