Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
