Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
