It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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