I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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