You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
