I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
