U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
