I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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