alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
