i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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