I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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