I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
