Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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