he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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