This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
