it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
