I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
