that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
