So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
