Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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