This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
