I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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