Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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