Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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