He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
