that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
