shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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