This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
