i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
