the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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